Spiritual Ponderings

I got up and 2 AM after being woken by the neighbor dogs crying together. I realized that all my dreams had been about being chained to a guard and being led around to various circumstances involving courts or meeting places. I feel that in my heart I am a prisoner chained to fear that I cannot escape from at this point. My heart is still resisting words of God and my faith is still weak. My mind can choose what to dwell on when I am awake to some extent but my heart is in charge when I am asleep. So what I dream about is a much stronger indicator of what my heart is really thinking about and believing. Then when I am awake the choices that my mind makes can either reinforce or counteract the directions that my heart is taking my life. In one way it is very frustrating to find my heart so often controlling the direction of my imagination and trying to run scenarios that quickly amplify my fears. In addition, demons are always waiting nearby to jump in and accelerate this fear cy...

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:10) I have struggled with this text for a long time. Much of the persecution, as much as it has been over the past years, has involved areas of life not directly related to obedience to the Spirit and Word of God but to maintaining a position of being technically and morally right in more political arenas. This has put me in the sights of a number of aggressive predators over the years and has created a great deal of emotional anguish and even physical pain at times. All along the way I agonized over whether I should continue in the path that I had started on and each time I felt that the only right option I had was to base my life on what was true and to follow my conscience even though it would put me in never-ending conflict with civil authorities and ruthless corporations. What has happened is that I have been persecuted for trying to stand up for right b...

I want to capture what God is doing in my heart and mind while it is still fresh. The contrast between yesterday morning and this morning is stark, like night and day. Yesterday morning I literally writhed in confusion, fear, inner turmoil and demonic assaults that kept escalating. I could not find any peace all day long and I could not eat a single bite of food. This morning I woke up in the peace of God after a restful sleep like I have not had in weeks. I woke up in gratitude for the protection of God from the mental harassment I experienced yesterday and began communing with God about what He wanted me to do now. I have not appreciated peace so much as I do today after the frightening attacks that I endured all day yesterday. (During His temptation in the wilderness, Jesus) would not force Providence to come to His rescue, and thus fail of giving us an example of trust and submission . (CTr 194) On the next page I find a fascinating definition of ministry. (The angels)...