A New Look at My Reservoir of Wrath
I recently became aware of the real meaning of the passage in Romans 2:5 where it talks about storing up wrath for the day of wrath. Each of us is very literally a container of wrath and if not healed of this liability it will serve to destroy us in the day when we meet the igniting fiery presence of God. This wrath will burst out from inside of us to consume us with bitterness, rage and fury, particularly against those who convinced us that God was the one who was wrathful and arbitrary or that He was placating of sin and it made no difference how we lived.
But something else came to me this morning to add to this growing awareness of my own large reservoir of wrath waiting to sabotage me at any time. I used to see this deep, buried container as full of sewage tightly sealed. I was aware that it contained repressed long held memories that I have tried to ignore for many years. I knew that these were symptoms of the long simmering rage that I always felt under the surface growing up but was never allowed to deal with properly. And like any percolating cesspool this container was producing highly flammable fumes that potentially could create dangerous levels of pressure that might damage the integrity of the container inside of me keeping it hidden from public notice.
But there is more to this that is starting to come to my attention now. I have known for some time that the word wrath in the Bible also refers to passion and that it has been seriously misunderstood by most people. There is both the wrath or passion of God and also the passion of the wine of Babylon and the great harlot in Revelation. Both of these wines are closely linked with passion or wrath and it is important to note that wine is also a product of fermentation. Fermentation of wine produces flammable gases as most fermentation processes produce. So what I am observing about what is inside my container deep in my heart is also the same thing as this passion or wrath that is described in Revelation and other places throughout the Bible.
God's passion is different than the passion of men or of demons however. God always represents His passion in conjunction with the representation of His blood, the unfermented wine of the New Covenant. This parallels the instructions to get rid of all leaven when preparing for the great day of Atonement in the sanctuary model from the Old Testament period, because yeast caused fermentation and God's passion is not tainted with corruption like man's is. God's passionate love is always pure and undefiled with the fermentation that spoils the purity of man's passions.
In essence what I am seeing in my own soul is a fermentation still, a moonshine still if you please, that is producing fuel for my own fires of hell. And with my greatly revised understanding of what hell really is, I now can see much more truth about this internal fuel cell, this reservoir inside of me that is like a giant bomb waiting to explode if ignited by some detonator. This has caused me to live in much fear over the years any time I came close to becoming aware of this internal fuel and have spent much time trying to keep the fuses from being lit or trying to extinguish them when they were before they set off the fuel.
But there is a parallel track of thought or insight that I have never considered before in relation to this internal land mine of highly flammable liability. God designed me, as He has all humans, to live a life full of passion, joy and fulfilling activities. This all requires fuel and that fuel is strikingly similar to the passion that is often translated as wrath or anger in the Bible. In fact, what is starting to emerge now in my consciousness is that very possibly this container of wrath I am starting to become more aware of inside may actually be something I may not want to drain and get rid of after all. It may actually be something that God wants me to keep but to relate to very differently than I have considered before.
The Bible teaches that the joy of Yahweh is to be our strength. Joy is also made up of a strikingly similar composition and has many of the same characteristics that wrath has, mainly that of intense passion. It is starting to sink in that maybe this internal container of wrath may in fact be a container of the very joy that has been so markedly missing in my life for many years. The problem is that it has simply been infiltrated by poisonous contaminants of the enemy that transformed the potential joy into wrath instead of enhancing my life as true joy fuel. Just maybe I have stumbled across the fact that my reservoir of joy has been hijacked and infected by the enemy of my soul and has had many detonators implanted into it with fuses attached to triggering lies that he uses to keep me in bondage and in slavery to fear.
Now I am wondering if in fact God does not intend to drain this reservoir of wrath after all or eliminate it as I have been asking Him to do for years. Instead, He may want to defuse the detonators and heal this mixture of fuel to return it back into a pure passion reflective of God's kind of passion. If that were to happen I may discover to my sheer amazement that the very container of explosive gases that I have feared for so many years inside my heart may turn out to be the greatest blessing I have seen in my whole life. Maybe this wrath inside of me is actually contaminated joy fuel that needs to be transformed by the Spirit of God into the sweet wine of grace and love and could become a giant reservoir of passion fuel that is so needed to empower me to thrive and live in joy.
This concept is possibly going to have impact on many other areas of my thoughts about God and reality and religion. Somehow this makes a great deal of sense to me although I am keenly aware that it is certainly not something that I can do for myself. But it may change the way that I talk with God about this problem for sure. Instead of asking God to remove this fearful massive container of dangerous fuel deep underground in my heart, I am going to start asking Him to deal most effectively with the dangerous triggers of the enemy used to improperly poison and use this fuel for sinful outbursts. I also want Him to go in and purify this fuel in my tank so that it can be used for high (octane) and holy purposes – maybe like jet (joy) fuel for helping me to really fly.
Now that is something to really get excited about.